Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Sweet Valentines, Everyone! (:

Saturday, October 15, 2011
Baby, you're the best I ever had (:

Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Baby, I wished the words you wanted to tell me were face-to-face because with time..even though you sounded so serious, I will never get the reassurance that this was the best way to go for the both of us. But today is just a day that I will remember and laugh at how I thought that you were just fooling around with your dad, especially when you will be gone for a while from here. And no one knows what I really am...and this is probably the choice you will regret making.

It never occurred to me that your actions were planned for the way it is, but they all fit perfectly now.

Concluding this amazing Semester 1. I can say that I was blessed with help from my senior and he provided a series of eye-openers that no one will ever give to me. A senior who has been undergoing one major setback in his life which made him appear to have altered his self-esteem and confidence in life to reach his expectations. With a mind of his own, I have walked through a dark side of myself whilst I was hanging out with him. There are situations to which my friends would never imagine me being tangled into. In fact, it was these experiences to which I was never prepared for that have made a significant impact to my life for this semester. And now, with circumstances changed, I have time to reflect but still able to move on.

People change with time, don't they? But the thing I never got to comprehend was the cold demeanor he was showing since exams started and now, done. It felt nothing like the friend I met. Nothing of the friend I once knew. His words became blunt and crude. I felt like I had committed a huge mistake whilst studying for the final semester exams. All I feel now, is guilt for actions I never knew what I did. And this is the time, when both my friend and I felt...he has changed. But don't you think it's strange to why I would write just a post all revolving around him?

I am truly grateful for all the help he rendered while I moved into a unit to which I had to set up Internet, electricity and buying of furniture. I felt so lost and aimless for the whole half of the semester and he had always been there to lend a hand and bring me to places to get stuffs for home. The gratitude can never be shown just with merely a simple thanks. I owe it all to him.

...All the way till what I see in front of me now, scared me. The friend I face now felt like he was being taken over by depression. Ripped from cheerfulness, even though it had been months since the last incidence. I failed to become someone whom he can turn and talk to. I wished I was able to do more than to stand by and watch him stand up from his fall. People say time heals everything, but actually, it really isn't the case. I know it can be really difficult to collect yourself from falling so hard and yet, face the difficulty of coping with these emotions which forbid you to overcome your feelings for her. At this stage, there is simply no reason for you to hold on and just let the memory be safekept and move on. Take it as a turning point in life. There are always reasons to which you are unable to account for because I ain't that close to you, but I really hope that you can be truthful to yourself. Do not let her short walk-in to your life be the reason to destroy what you're capable of showing of yourself. And no matter what happens, I will always be someone you can turn to.


Words hold much impact. I question the credibility of your words and you always shoot back at me with question marks. I despise having to answer questions on questions I pose. Having to keep guessing what you actually meant to have said. It is finally time I decided to take a step back from you now. Because whenever we talk about this topic, I feel so helpless and hopelessness just overwhelmed my conscience. It really is the black hole. I never felt so demoralised. I never felt so evil in my heart and mind to criticise every sentence you type. Whenever you ask a question, it felt like your responses have instilled in me a devil's mindset. The intentions to drown you in complete depression and pulling you deeper into the depths of darkness. I never managed to figure out the reason why, but I know that my responses were never meant to be phrased that way if I were comforting someone else. So I don't understand why.

I am probably here typing this post to reflect on what I have done. To reflect why my actions were specially cruel to you...even I am very much aware of.

And the words I wish to put through to you: I really understand how much you are being put through, and it is definitely hundred times more damaging. In sem 1, I probably walked you through 4 months before you decided that a cold shoulder was the best to act out against me and possibly your friends too. That is fine. Just remember that I'll never abandon you as a friend and I will still watch you stand up no matter how slow you pick up yourself from there. And even if you will never know, I will cheer for you when you have finally pulled yourself past this ordeal. I am sorry that I cannot offer you more than what I can now. My mind can't distinguish what's best to type for you and what's not. For now, reflection is key.

Reflecting back, I had 6 important people who have been my encouragement this semester...and especially my dear coursemates. It would have been easier to recount it person-by-person, but in general, this semester was filled with light-hearted joy, laughter and surprises.

A story left to be told.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Even in my eyes, the situation yesterday was really too absurd to even think what will become of it. With conversations exchanged for over 2 days in a row on topics far beyond what I would have covered...a territory no one dared to walk it through. The actions both on our part are to be pondered upon. If it crosses way beyond, what do you think I ought to do? Just when I thought it was over and left the old back there, I am faced with an entire new situation. It's not like I didn't expect it to happen...but I've succumbed to it.

I've no stamina right? I feel really strange.

I can't believe I closed the conversation down and backed away from lappy...it's not like I'd have to do what I ought to do. It was not like the time when I would love to sit around and wait for your reply. It was more like I want to step away from the stuffiness that started to reach beyond what I deem as comfortable. Say...isn't being stuffy uncomforting?

On the other hand, I really didn't expect him to do what he did...and the thoughts that ran through his mind. He must have been really depressed and desperately needs an outlet. I truly cannot offer more than I can right now.

Tell me...what's going on? This semester is full of odd occurrences...

Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Shan't shy away from ourselves. 

Have we started doubting our personal abilities and start thinking of alternatives to take over a duty that has a responsibility too hard to handle? (That's me actually) Become valuable to yourself and to the peers who look up to you or who might look for such assistance in the future.

HUGS <3

In any ways, congrats to my dear friend who was desperate at the last-minute in her search for someone to do an edit/review of her essay, because she was not one to do well in essays (and hence, she took this course). Well, we both had a hard time rushing out at the last 15 mins or so trying to cut down over 100 words :D Sure she had plenty of grammer and rephrasing issues (of lifted sentences from references), but it was all ironed out. Initially doubted that I helped her a lot as she exceeded about 40 words during submission, but she did the best I've ever seen her done (like borderline pass)! (: 34/35! omg! *SCREAMS* And truthfully, her essay was well-structured and that did make the grammer editing and reading so much easier. Think she has learnt a lot from this course, whether she believes it or not. An improvement that will deem useful in her future lab reports.

And this gave me the confidence of doing edits in the future for any one who needs help. Hahaha~ Or I will try. Won't say I'm the best, but I personally like essays that flow well to me.

I love them all~

There are many things left unsaid and they should just be left this way. Because everything will sour if it winds and heads in the wrong direction. Or we just don't want to take the risk. We ain't the kind to test waters that have cons that we dislike to deal with. Maybe it's time to take a step out and attempt to make the first move out from our comfort zone. What is there to lose, when life is just that short to live?

Gives a sense of protection and comfort.

Have been seeing myself heading out more often than I really used to, that I've taken aback plenty of peeps and even sometimes, my family. Shopping out with friends and now this... Lol, my parents are so ready to let me head out even though they aren't sure how protected I'd be. My new discovery: Mummy's definition of drinking = clubbing. What was she thinking? Shan't bother correcting her >< But she definitely know what spiking is. She trusts.

More than I can ask for.

Girlfriends for CNY! (: We went for the visiting during 3rd day of CNY after lunch to Huiwen's, Jean's and my place. Can't believe we gambled upon it. LOL! Still, it was successful, even if some of us were super shagged (: And Running Man has gone on to be the new addiction for all my cousins! Hahahah~ spread the love of Yoo Jae Suk and korean variety shows. We actually watched 3+ hours watching one episode after another, after we ate our steamboat dinner. I really love CNYs that are followed by weekends! Because that means our holiday breaks are sweeter and longer! And we can all stay even longer at my cousin's home to play and watch shows. Will remain this as one of my memories of CNY, before I miss 2 years worth of ang paos, catch up with cousins and friend gathering...

The feeling that will last as long I want to remember.

Jon is here for Chinese New Year visiting! (: Arriving on the second day of new year! Lots of places we are going as a family because of his arrival. Hahaha~ And I am now craving to go to Sentosa Flowers exhibit. But now I think about it, I don't feel like heading there any more. Because the flowers would be all faded out and wilting. Where's the joy in that? Besides that, we will also be pruning and all. Gonna be a fun week indeed! (:

'Cos it is special to me.

When we sit down and just relax. Enjoying ourselves to the fullest. Will we know how much we miss each other. The gals who make post-JC life memorable and special. Whether our actions have caused misunderstandings and unfavourable judgements on one another, at least we know we can be there for each other when we need one.

Complete disregard. ((:

Thanks everyone!

Friday, February 04, 2011
Happy Lunar New Year, everyone!!

I am going to trust my instincts and just stop right there (:
Trial and error on a delicate situation is just telling you straight in the face that you are simply playing your luck. Whether you are lucky or not is determined by the level of experience and judgement you set them out to be. With my take, I am going to soften the suspicion and just let things flow~ It's a matter of giving it up. Heheh.

This lunar new year is one event I will never forget and treasure it for the next 2 years to come. No one knows how much this long duration of separation and not meeting up regularly can change every single one of us. Sometimes no change is all good and well, but on the other hand, it just means that we have not matured in any way. Wouldn't that be a pessimistic picture? How about...we stay the same in character and personality but changed in our maturity, in better understanding ourselves. Hey wait, wouldn't that mean you have a different set of outlook of life?

Just merely mentioning - 2 years is rather short. It leaves you stumped for words. No one can really put into that person's shoes..how hard it is to be separated from a place that you dearly loved and spent most of your life in. Adapting? I have relatively accepted that life is just that fragile. Always changing and subjected to how optimistic and pessimistic you choose to look upon the situation. Pessimism is just seeking for trouble and all would say - digging your own hole. It is a simple sweet phrase we all tend to say. Practice what you preach. I believe it a lot. Friends I've encountered may miss their family loads in Singapore, embrace the whole truth and take it on themselves like it was their fault. Their sufferings that they have to leave their own comfort zone. But is it really worthy of you crying for half a year or a year?

Situational awareness. I have to work on this. I may be sensitive to a small extent. There are other things I have to sensitise myself to. Way more than what I perceive it to initially be. Takes courage to peek out of that shell. Chicken! :O

Tuesday, February 01, 2011
A reminiscence of what I imagined to be a small little living organism. I think I am stuck in a childhood illusion, with those bright little lighted flowers that float and shimmer in the darkness on the waters. The flowers' beauty that gets unfolded with each crease and curve. Isn't that a pretty sight to behold? (:

I've received a gift from Shirlyn, a dear primary school classmate of mine and it has proven to be a very inspirational read. And yes, I acknowledge my goldfish memory of mine. I will just post up the key ideas I've extracted from the book so far.

And two of which were to allow a child to develop their own sense of creativity whether it is to ask personally to paint his/her own room and to allow them to have a freedom of their own without restricting them much in what they really wish to do. The moral? To let a child continue his dreams, allowing him to let his imagination flow. Get him to believe he can do it. And then, I start wondering...what had caused me to hide inside my own shell? This shell that requires coaxing and adapting before anyone can see the real me. See what I truly want to do.

In the course of my life throughout these years toward my 21st. I've encountered several obstacles, which I've gradually relented and hence, accepted in my life. Obstacles which blinded me on every path I wanted to go. But to think of it now, even though I've been encouraging my friends to take this obstacle as a challenge and to weave their way around it, I for one do not practice what I preach. Instead, I've slammed myself onto this obstacle. Right smack in the middle. Not even a single part of my body was peeking out from this huge 'wall'. It is as if I've sacrificed my dreams, my inspiration to it. I've dreamt a dream, but I've caused it to remain as a dream..thinking that I will never have the capabilities to do so.

Will I be able to love the work I am doing? That's up to me. Will I love myself for being the person I am portraying. That's up to me. Will I love the listless life I lead because I refuse to break out from this person I am now letting others know? That's up to me.

And for this, I would really love to get back on my feet and tread through this difficult path...to uncover a different set of confidence, a new set of goals. And shed a part of my shell to show the style I would love to adopt ((:

If you have the will, there is always a way...don't they always say?
In my case, the will will be to create opportunities and open doors to improvement.

Monday, January 31, 2011
Celebrating Bee Teng's cum Brenda's birthday on Saturday at Chevrons was really awesome! (: Hope everyone had a blast there, despite the messy BBQ experience under the rain. Besides that, finally got to see Oreo & Cheesecake! Ahhhh~ *screams* KAWAII! ^^

Well, next birthday party is gonna be a miss. Awww~ I wish I will be here to join Wei Jie's bday party (: It's a super awesome time to gather and have fun! Plus, celebrate each other's coming-of-age to embrace adulthood, another chapter of their lives.

And today, I've finally completed my CNY shopping on my own at Bugis in 1.5 hours! :D Happy me! Actually, the dress top kinda caught my eye in less than half an hour, but I decided to comb around Bugis to confirm my choice. And after which, joined bx in his own search of CNY outfit :D To come to realise, I actually prefer that to shopping with Jie. Smooth, fast...short and sweet~ my style. Hahaha...weird out. But personally, I feel that I am not as fast as I think myself to be. Kekekeke... And I swear never to head to town for such sprees unless I have more than a week to find an outfit. Because, none of the shops actually fit the type I'm looking for.

I couldn't believe myself for staying up late, napping for less than 2 hours and heading out for shopping at 2 plus. Hahaha~ Made me super exhausted. And have I ever said that the colour of the sea overlooking onto Sentosa was bright turquoise?? If I had my camera charged and on hand, I would've captured the scenary. It was really fascinating (:

Well, besides that...I've nothing much to say ((:

Monday, January 24, 2011
I try to keep this blog happy in every other way, but this is kinda abandoned and unvisited which is just perfect for me to type and think. But still post it. I apologise to myself for being so random and unsettled. With my 21st bday over, it brought along a new set of worries and my mum takes it hard upon both me and my sis to embrace independence. But Jie feels that she doesn't have that feeling of letting go. But as a mother, it's really hard to give trust upon us to be independent on our own. Was speaking to Pris over a call last night and came to realise that there are a lot of things I failed to perceive and that relations just shy away from what seemingly is real on the outside. With the passing years, relations just sour if they want to or find a way to. People do move on and sometimes, we have no clue whether it's right to let go and accept the reality.

I am not afraid to say that my thinking is a bit on the simple-minded side. Lacking of maturity. And that dealing with situations like this, doesn't feel like I am doing it right...or if I am stretching it a bit too far with my imagination. An opinion to form. I take it upon myself to change the way I look upon situations and mingling around with ppl. A maturity in the way of thinking. Opinions I refuse to form because I don't entirely trust myself to push it through. An effort I don't wish to exert. To put myself in the disadvantage and akwardness.

In this year, I shall entrust myself into confiding in friends whom I trust...that I've never done since a long time ago.

Relishing the times that I really missed my childhood life. Because then, I have been so carefree and innocent and all of my dearest escapades. Now, it's like self-awareness back again. Calling for confidence in what I decide to do, and never falter in my decisions. I shouldn't make people at fault, when they shouldn't be. I shouldn't be in self-denial in what I wanted to be.

Personal thoughts...

Sunday, January 24, 2010
My happy blog! ^-^ It really has been a while since I last blogged here, haven't I? It's really such a common sentence to read now (and so I found out).

Going to make a key decision for the fate of the entire forum. Truthfully, being an admin is truly not an easy matter. I will never try to become one, unless a similar situation happens. But subbers out there are really kind and generous with their time as well! I still remain in close contact with many of them, despite my disappearance in the kpop world for 5 months. And they really are a bunch of people whom I can really count on when I need help as well. Well, for their expertise. However, I learnt almost every single process to doing a perfect episode to pass it off as a moderate (possibly, not the best).

Well, Family Outing's interest has completely died on me. I am not sure if it was through the process of doing admin and being piled on several different tasks. Or was it, because the episodes of Family Outing were not done with that expertise that I sought from them. Ahh well~ I can't ask for more, can I?

On with another thing...

I wonder how much mummy remembers... When something is done for weeks, and I suddenly stop doing it for even one day...she will say that I've not done it at all. It's like dismissing every single effort that I have made. I hate CNYs. I despise CNYs! From the very basic of buying new clothes which is forever my nightmare and torture, that comes in a bulky package of naggings.. Afterwhich, I will be attacked with more because I work on cleaning the house when mummy is not around. But....no....even if you tell her, she won't listen and assumes you are lazing away. That's horrid!

Now, why don't I do it when she is around then? Because I can play korean songs and I'll be in such a happy mood. Plus, there won't be new jobs that add on to the burden! Why can't she do things one at a time....??? No time? There's still plenty of time! January is still here... It hasn't gone~

Well, rants are meant for my other blog...but I will keep it at this.